Through a Cozily-lit Window

Who knows why I was hunting for my old blog. It was several weeks ago and I felt this pervasive desire to change something. For some reason, that restless feeling led to me looking at my blog I began in 2008.* 

From my "about" page:

"I've tried to think of this blog as a quilt with little patches of my life. If you were to ask me why I blog I don't think I could give you a fast and steady answer. I mostly do it because when I am sad or lonely or something goes awry I can click through these old posts and watch how my life has increased with joy and how I've matured and deepened as a person. I love my life and this blog is a bit like looking through a cozily-lit window. Yes, I do blog the difficult stuff as well, but I enjoy seeing how even bad things can't stay bad forever. Something good always comes along to brighten my life."

I spent several hours scrolling and reading snatches of my blog. It was all there. All of it. My oldest daughter's childhood, dating and then marriage, pregnancy, recipes, book challenges and reviews, and regular updates showcasing the rhythm of my days. I have a more recent blog from 2013 to 2017 or so. My family went through a difficult time beginning in 2017 and I was not in a space where I could blog. 

I miss writing. I miss community. I miss taking time for myself to reflect. 

I found community through blogging. I learned so much from other bloggers. Andi and Heather were my first "blog" friends. We talked about books and participated in reading challenges. We navigated life events and cheered each other on. Amanda introduced me bullet journaling. Allie created the Classics Club and created a huge community of bloggers reading classic books. Eva discussed chronic illness and helped me in accepting my own disability. Eva also inspired me to learn knitting. Thomas introduced me to Barbara Pym and sent me lovely postcards and letters. Adam inspired my reading and jumpstarted my writing. Trish had a fun day in the life blog event. There are so many other folks who ignited my passion for women's literature between the wars, baking, collecting Virago and Persephone books. (Dear kindred spirits, if you still have a blog drop me a link!)

A blog is less raw than a journal and more introspective than a social media post. It is the perfect mix of sharing my life and reflecting in a meaningful way. It is what I need at the moment. 

During my last therapy session, my therapist asked me to focus the remainder of the year carving out time for myself and being intentional with that time. Regular reading, blogging, and creating nourishes my spirit 

I plan on really jumping back into blogging. I suppose this post is a promise to myself to take that time - without guilt - and invest in meaningful creation and engagement. 

I will continue blogging even if I don't have a single damn reader. Looking through my old posts proved that I was writing for myself more than I was ever writing for an audience. Let this space be a cozily-lit window. 

*I had an older blog from 2004-2007 that I deleted prior to the 2008 blog.