On Schooling and Unschooling

Two days before my children were set to begin third and fifth grade I pulled them out of school. My children are too young for the Covid-19 vaccination and the school system did not have the same masking, distancing, and phased-in learning as they did in the 2020/2021 school year. This is mostly due to Governor Bill Lee being an absolute twatwaffle. I had to pivot quickly to get my work schedule in order and make sure the children had either their father or my partner to watch them while I worked. Next, I hastily signed the kids up for math courses that begin this week. For science I decided we would study mushrooms (mycology) and for “social justice studies” we would study anti-racism. (If Tennessee is going to insist that public educators cannot “teach Critical Race Theory,” then by golly I’m going to teach the kids myself.)

I set-up an Amazon Wishlist, sourced books from the library, planned lessons, and readied myself. A few days after the start of public school I began our homeschooling. I thought what I was doing was unschooling because the curriculum was composed of podcasts, board games, art, etc… and no grades. Oh dear hearts, I was not at all unschooling. I was still implementing structure: lessons, some worksheets I declared meaningful, and agonizing over doing enough. I tried to give assignments (but not graded) and make sure the kids were reading and writing each day. It was like pulling teeth. When they did “work on a project” it was hastily completed and it felt like we ticked a box and learning was tossed aside. I was exhausted and disheartened.

Our third week of homeschool and I wanted to cry. Waking up in the morning and forcing Persephone out of bed was hell. She likes to sleep late, but I wake her because we are going to do “school.” I tried to contain Atticus inside for as long as possible to get in some content when he is really itching to go outside. “School first." I was so sick of saying, "school first."

Last Monday, I took a mental health day. I woke up with a panic attack and it was downhill from there. Homeschooling didn't break me, but it was one more worry, one more thing to do. I sent the kids to their father’s house and called into work. Tackling homeschooling was the easiest item on the list of anxieties to tackle. I started thinking about what has worked with homeschool. 

• Paging through mushroom field guides and coloring books and then hunting mushrooms in the forest. The kids found four mushrooms within the first three feet of the walk!

• Growing our own mushrooms. (Full disclosure, I did manage to kill them. We’re about to try round two!)

• Taking a guided tour of animals at the nature preserve. We learned about cranes (the meanest bird they have and the cries of these birds were used in Jurassic Park and vultures (they poop on themselves to cool off.) We also observed owls, a bald eagle, a red wolf, and a bobcat. 

• Atticus asked to build a clay model of the earth and then do a presentation on the parts of the earth for the family. He also discussed gravity, black holes, and the ultimate destruction of earth. 

• Reading Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You. The kids are engaged and asking difficult questions. We talked about the power of language and then that led to a discussion on Tr*mp, Covid-19, and an increase in violence towards Asians and Asian-American people in the United States.

• Board games! We play UNO quite a bit, but my favorite game at the moment is Dragonwood. Strategy and some point calculating are involved. 

• Letting the kids explore the outdoors. Atticus does this the most. He fell into a mudhole up to his chest the other week and learned that one should poke muddy bits of land with a stick before venturing on. (Hey, he did manage to catch the frog he was hunting!)

• Letting the kids read what they want to read. Atticus tore through The New Kid and the first volume of March. He also read Highlights magazines and Guinness World Record books. Persy reads on whim, a little bit of a Baby Sitters Club graphic novel, a little bit of a book on Pandas, and she is reading a book about Ruby Bridges right now. 

When I step away from assignments - even cool ones like make your own graphic novel with all the elements of a story- the kids blossom. They ask questions, explore, and keep curious. I’m not forcing them to stare at a book for a set amount of time and then crossing reading off of my to-do list. 

I ditched the lesson plan book. I’ve given the kids space to play the rest of the week while I overhaul my thinking. I’ve ordered a set of cube shelves and I’m stocking it with all of our nature books, craft supplies, microscope, LEGO kits, writing tools, board games and puzzles. The kids will have to do their math courses since they will be going back into school at some point and I will read aloud each day. Other than that, they’re going to play. 

During our first iteration of homeschooling I was worried about the kids disengaging and arguing constantly and hating every second of homeschool. I knew that would lead to them hating learning. The more dire situation was my worry that I was unraveling. The stress of balancing fear and uncertainty related to the pandemic, working full-time, and homeschooling was wearing me thin. My work-free, kid-free time was spent cleaning, lesson planning, grocery shopping, and prepping for each extremely busy week. I had no time for the things that bring me joy. I was pouring myself out and never refilling my cup. As one with a history of depression, I knew this was dangerous for me. I am a whole person outside of my role as a mother and a librarian. I need nourishment from the things I love to keep me going. Things like reading, writing, listening to music, creating, forest rambling, and plenty of time alone or with kindred spirits. 

[To Be Continued…]