An Hour is Not a House*, Or, Thoughts and Rules for Social Media

I wrote this a month and a half ago: 

It is after midnight and I am roasting beets. A cup of berry hibiscus tea steeped as I peeled the beets, sliced them, rolled them in olive oil and sea salt, and wrapped them in foil. I ate the last apricot. An hour ago I was getting ready for bed and then I decided I needed tea, writing, and roasted beets. So, here I am. Pandemic time is weird.

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I couldn't think of what to write past that.

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"An Hour is Not a House"

by Jane Hirshfield

An hour is not a house,

a life is not a house,

you do not go through them as if

they were doors to another.

Yet an hour can have shape and proportion,

four walls, a ceiling.

An hour can be dropped like a glass.

Some want quiet as others want bread.

Some want sleep.

My eyes went

to the window, as a cat or dog left alone does.

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I'm endeavoring to think of my life as more than a house. I'm not passing through. All of this is real, now, and fleeting. Time is creeping. Time is swiftly slicking out of my ineffectual cupped palms. Dropped glass. 

If my hours could have some clearly defined shape that would help. Here is an hour for deeply focused and meaningful work. More hours for hugging my children. A stack of time to engage in meaningful conversations with friends. An hour for cooking. A basketful of hours for sleep. Endless hours of coffee and books (and the mental fortitude to focus on reading.)

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I've rewritten this post a dozen times. 

Most of it apologetic and whining. 

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Let me begin again. 

I'm endeavoring to think of my life as a home. I'm not passing through. All of this is tree, branched, and blooming. Time is slowed honey. Time is swifted bird lifting from expectant, open palms. Released expectations. 

My hours have no clearly defined shape and that can't be helped. I found a few minutes for some meaningful work and increased my radical compassion for students going to college during this pandemic. I prioritize hugging my children. I only need a few minutes to connect with a friend. Nectarines are delicious and require no cook time. I still need a basketful of sleep, but I also need rest and movement, quiet and music. Coffee is always there and my books will be there when I'm ready. 

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Earlier this week I shared a video on Facebook and spoke about my need to go back to content creation. It helps me live with intention, to notice the small joys, and it has connected me to others. Like most things, too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Endless scrolling and posting dulls connection and things no longer shimmer. I find myself disengaged and consuming social media to avoid living. 

Before the pandemic, I embraced having a full 24-hours a week screen free and it was wonderful. When the pandemic hit I felt so isolated and social media was my connection. I cannot fathom fully unplugging, but I cannot fathom staying constantly connected. 

My new intention - beginning now - is to approach social media as a form of measured and intentional expression and connection. I want to share the meaningful moments in my life and express myself with authenticity AND avoid the drive to create and consume content as a crutch for living fully present in my day-to-day life. Cutting social media out is not an option for me. I have developed and nurtured friendships and passions through social media. Spending hours on end avoiding discomfort by distraction scrolling is not helping me either. 

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An hour is not a house, but I can certainly make it a home. Home is not limited to walls. I have people in my life who are home for me. I feel rested, cherished, nurtured, and safe with a few special people in my life. I want that. More verb. Less noun. 

I'm going to make these hours home and I'm going to use social media as a friendly garden path to this lovely little cottage of Homeness and not use social media as some sort of endless labyrinth of distraction. 

Of course, these means some new ground rules and I'm going to ask that my fellow kindred spirits gently remind me when I'm slipping into bad habits. 

1. I will no longer be instantly responding to messages, posts, and texts. When I get a notification I tend to drop everything to respond, then I lose my focus. I'll have a few set times during the day when I will check for notifications. 
2. I'm going to try to share things in a more meaningful way and engage with others on social media rather than constantly shit-posting. I've come up with a loose schedule of things to share. For example, suppose I knew that on Wednesdays I would share what wonderful things I've read lately and I checked up on my other reader friends and asked what books they are reading? Perhaps, I share a picture of me in a favorite dress that made me feel pretty and happy and then asked what wonderful things made my friends feel fabulous about themselves? Doesn't that seem more meaningful and engaging? I hope it does. 
3. My phone is no longer allowed in my bedroom. This should cut down on the scrolling into the night and starting my day with scrolling. 
4. The kids and I have agreed that after 6:30 p.m. we have no screens. We may watch a weekend movie or listen to a podcast, but I will not be texting and posting, Atticus will exit Minecraft, and Persy will have to give YouTube a rest. 
5. I will be screen free from 10 a.m. on Saturday until 10 a.m. on Sunday. I may take pics and stream audio books, music, and podcasts, but I will not be on social media and I will not be available via text. 

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I don't really know how to best end this post. 

Perhaps an example? 

The other day I texted my boyfriend my to-do list, unplugged from all social media, and had a shit-ton of focus and accomplished a lot. When I returned to social media I had several messages and posts of interest and was able to engage in a sustained discussion on cooking and a book I'm reading because I had the time - when away from the internet - to cook a meal and read for a bit. That was lovely. I'd like more of that. 

To kick start this new habit, I'm going off social media until 3 p.m. tomorrow. I'll be available via text and messenger because I have some current projects in the works, but my responses may be delayed. 

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Last thing, these seems like the most ill articulated post I've ever written and that's primarily because I've lost my ability to concentrate on a single task for more than five minutes. My brain hurts, I'm tired of feeling scattered, and I would really like to feel like my hours are the coziest, warmest, most joy-filled nest of rooms. 

I'm working on it.